When Regrets turn out to be Unnecessary…<3

Well, we certainly have observed summer hours this season. A writer friend of mine mentioned how I used to faithfully post five days a week even if it was asking a lot. A few years ago, I extended myself the grace of missing when needed. As our pace has picked up rather than slowed, I do my best. 

I always wanted to be sure and have something here if you showed up. I do like the feature of the website that allows you to access previous posts. I will be offline for the next week (gathering stories to share, don’t worry) so if you do check in and don’t find anything, scrolling back to older posts is an option.

But for today, I have a thought that might give some younger folks a bit of relief from the pressure of finishing out grand ideas. It also may give some of you older ones freedom from guilt for missed opportunities. 

Our story begins sometime during the early spring of this past year. Rachel texted all of the extended family with questions about the previous generations and where our families mostly originated from. We all chimed in with where grand and great grandparents had come from. 

Having been to Ellis Island and finding both my paternal and maternal great grandparents names on the wall of Immigrants, courtesy of my dad purchasing a spot; I reminded Rachel we had visited there with Sarah. She asked if I had the photos from that trip as she thought Joel would like to see them. 

Does she even know me? 

Of course I had the photos…in triplicate…and I knew right where they were resting. 

I headed down to our lower level bedroom and pulled out the three long plastic boxes that are tucked next to the sewing machine in the corner. I could tell through the plastic which housed the baby books for Graham and Emmett, the accumulation of photos from our three that never have been put in order or a book or anything, and the trip to NYC with the empty scrapbooks I had bought to make all three of us an album from our trip. 

I was happy to provide Joel (and Emmett who, as it turns out, loved these photos so much he kept them in his locker until the end of the year) these photos.

But I was sad. 

Pulling out those three big containers and viewing my failure to finish what I had started was a bitter pill. There were cute stickers and themed paper, notes jotted to help me remember funny stories or sweet memories that I wanted to pass along to each of these offspring of ours. 

I have a whole slew of great ideas that never got finished.

There is a dollhouse that is in progress, purchased when Rachel was Caroline’s age. There are starts to three book ideas sitting in files in my documents. A paper mache pumpkin that was going to be painted three falls ago is on the craft shelf looking as brown and dull as ever. The embroidery projects are in a bag with the hoop, needles and thread. And on it goes.

Oh, I have completed many things, but the ghosts of these things haunt me and taunt me. 

Until Sarah came to spend the night a few weeks ago.

She loves our little basement apartment set up and so she headed down happily at the end of our evening together. The next morning I was sitting sipping my coffee and reading when she appeared with her book and her own mug. 

As she sat down, she said she had looked through the photos from NYC. Yes, I had left the box open since I delivered those pics to Joel many months ago. Laughingly she said she hoped I was not intending to make a photo album out of those. 

From her tone I realized that is the last thing she wants to add to her bookshelves or memory box. While I am just a tad disappointed that she must not cherish the same memories I have in the same way…what a great weight was lifted off of me! 

I realized that I could have spent all that time and effort to make something that really wouldn’t have mattered to her at all. 

Wow. 

Maybe what I have gotten done along the way is really sufficient. 

At some point this winter, I plan to go through those three tubs and photos and pull out the ones that matter to me and then let the rest go. 

Hope this brings some freedom to someone who is feeling like a failure for those unfinished projects. Oh…and I also may have a bead on a guy who loves to do woodwork. I am hoping I can pass that doll house on to him to finish up for me….