Christmas Countdown 2023….Day 12

Before our daughter Rachel was born.I worked as a commercial loan teller and had every intention of continuing at least part time – with the added bonus of being trained on managing student loan accounts.  I was a product of the 70’s and women could roar and work 9 to 5 and all the things. 

And then the nurse laid this little bundle of living, breathing humanity in my arms and I told Russ I couldn’t leave her with anyone but me. 

And maybe him. 

If he behaved himself. 

Kidding.

He has always been and still is way better with children than I am. But I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her in someone else’s care for a whole day. I know many do, and I am not judging. I’m simply saying that I knew for all the good things in life I have messed up, this gig was one that I wanted to give my all to do as well as I could. 

I gave my notice and read every book on parenting I could find. I was scared to death I would make irreversible errors. And I worried how we were going to make ends meet. Because life was expensive even then. 

Thus the challenge became how to earn some money while also caring for Rachel during the day. We lived in a rented house at the time with hopes and dreams of saving for a downpayment on a home of our own. 

As I explored my options and prayed for this miracle job, the Lord provided several opportunities for me to attempt this juggling of being home and yet adding to our savings. The first option I tried was to babysit for a friend. Their son was born around the same time as Rachel and it seemed like the ideal solution. 

Anyone who has had twins is laughing hysterically right now, I am sure. 

It was a nightmare. 

Simple things like running errands involved juggling double car seats. They were both hungry at the same time so I either had to feed my own child and let this other one cry or let my own cry as I fed our guest. Naps never seemed to be in synch and being a nursing mom, I was exhausted and in desperate need of some sleep during the day. 

I can remember some moments when they were both laying contentedly on blankets with toys scattered around them, but these were few and far between. My day care center was short lived and with ample time for my friend to find a replacement for me, I retired from that line of part time work. 

For a season. 

I must have forgotten how wearing it is to care for other children on top of your own. But I got a good reminder a few years later. As a somewhat seasoned mom with that new home we had saved up for and a now preschool aged daughter, I agreed to watch another friends two children after school. 

They were the cutest and sweetest kids – a little miniature mom of a girl and her younger brother. Since we lived in the same district, the plan was to have them delivered to our house by the bus. Mom or dad would pick them up by 5:30. 

Two hours at best and I thought it would be fun for Rachel to have friends in the afternoon. What could possibly go wrong? The first few couple of weeks went fine. 

Unfortunately, shortly into the arrangement, I began having the most horrendous headaches. Never a migraine sufferer, I felt these must be what others had described. The headaches would start like clockwork, every day, mid-afternoon, and just about the time the bus was rolling toward our house. I was miserable.

And no, it wasn’t because of these two cherubs.

I was also pregnant. 

Sure enough we discovered Sarah was on her way. Once again I had to back out of a job that seemed like it would have been so easy and yet was not meant to be for me. My friend found another solution, I finally stopped having the headaches my third trimester. There was a wonderful day and then another when I realized they had stopped only to be replaced by three months of heartburn. 

To say I was relieved that my daycare days were over was putting it mildly. While I apparently felt a deep desire to be the primary caregiver for our own brood, I had to face the fact that watching other people’s offspring was not for me.

Of course, God did get the last say as I have been blessed to be a caregiver for our next generation when mommy and daddy are both working. God was probably chuckling back in my early attempts of caring for extras and feeling like a failure, knowing I would get another chance that would be such blessing <3