Ahhh…surrender…that battle that we win by losing <3

Without over-sharing and for the purpose of giving you all a glimpse at what “surrender” sometimes can look like, I have a little story for you today. Right up front, I want to stress that this is absolutely in no way a bid for you all to either feel sorry for me, question my sanity or offer me counsel about “me-time”. 

This is simply a little peek into MY journey with surrender recently. 

The tale begins with Russ’s retirement about 3 1/2 years ago now. With his retirement, my routine got shifted a bit. It is wonderful to have him here and with the four grands now in school and full time extracurricular sports and such it has been a blessing I thank God for every single day. 

But as any wife of a retiree can tell you, your schedule is now shared from 7 am – 5 pm and sometimes I have to learn to flex my plan for the greater good. It took me awhile to acclimate because I am slow and stubborn, but after this past summer of constant motion, I had found a rhythm for the fall of 2024 and I finally felt settled. 

I committed to several classes at the Y, had my volunteer positions comfortably tucked between those and some creative groups I found and I had my groove on. 

And then our church announced a nursing home ministry opportunity that began with an informational meeting. For some reason, I felt the tug. I went to the first meeting and sat with an acquaintance who seemed to feel the same kind of unclear but definite calling to show up for the next meeting. I decided I would like to partner with her and do this ministry. 

We got placed in a group and then came my first opportunity to surrender. The facility we were assigned to suggested a time and day each week that was already occupied in my nice, neat schedule by some things I was really enjoying. 

I would have to skip my exercise class and leave my art journaling class early each week. After talking to Russ and praying, I knew God was asking me to make the sacrifice and I had peace. 

With just the tiniest amount of resentment I showed up the first Tuesday at the memory care facility and fell in love with a lady who had her jacket and purse on and was just waiting for her husband to pick her up. She didn’t know why she was there and she was not one bit happy about it. 

I thought about her all week and prayed for her and sat by her the next week, rubbing her back and smiling and telling her that no, I don’t know her husband, but I am sure he will be there soon to get her. She would smile back and hold my hand and tell me she was glad I had come. And then we would do it all again a few minutes later. 

It was that same week, after this visit, that my dear husband shared with me that the middle school/high school English teacher at the small Christian school up the way had to quit to care for a family member. 

They were without a teacher at the start of the new quarter, he said.

They needed someone to take a few classes, he added. 

I tried to ignore the thought that was rising inside me, but it was useless.

I could do it, I heard my voice say. 

He smiled and nodded agreement. 

So I found myself sitting across from the head of the school that same week, looking at a graph of the classes and accepting the first three hours for four days a week this quarter. Since I already work on Fridays at the store, Russ will be my “sub”. A new part time job has found me and the “work” wardrobe has been resurrected. 

The block of classes allows me to get done in time on Tuesdays and Thursdays to head north and pick up our little crew from school. It does not allow me to sit by my new friend, who I have to reintroduce myself to every week so she won’t really miss me.

Russ took my place at the nursing home and he checks on my friend for me. I have to leave art journaling even earlier and now I have eliminated all but one of the exercise class days I was enjoying.

And it’s okay. 

It was hard to give up, but I have received far more than I have given.

I am having to discipline myself to find ways to exercise alone. 

I have added 22 young people to my prayer list and heart. I see their faces throughout the day and pray for them. 

God has carried me into this new schedule and He is sustaining me. The harder parts of me have gotten another nice sanding, buffing and polishing. 

Surrender is a battle with our will where we let it come under His authority and to this point in my life, I have never been sorry I let Him win. He has so much more for us than we can imagine if we would just say … have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way. 

Blessings friends. 

You are precious and you are seen and you are dearly loved <3