The back story on that first conference…pun intended <3
As I mentioned yesterday, I have a background story on that first conference that I attended. I still have not been able to place my hands on the journal I used for that trip, so we are going to have to go on my best memories of it.
And by best I mean “greatest attempt at accuracy” because this is one that still comes up for processing from time to time over the years. It was a hard one.
After I registered for the She Speaks conference sometime in 2013 and before Russ made all my travel arrangements, something quite significant happened that threw the whole thing in a different and challenging light for me.
Like so many stories, the reason this one has been harder to share is because of who I share the story with. It’s our son and my husband’s story too and I try to be careful, so I am prayerfully sharing my side of it, respecting that they also have their own takes on things.
In the fall of 2012, John was enjoying being on the ORU practice team for the women’s basketball. At some point he took a fall backwards and after seeking medical treatment it was determined he had pulled or torn something in his knee.
When he came home for Christmas break, he could barely stand up straight and I was concerned deeply so made a quick appointment with one of our ortho doctors here in town. On walking in the room, the physician assistant said immediately – this isn’t your knee, it’s your back.
I am going to give you the short version of the following months where John had to seek treatment in Tulsa, while we coached from the sidelines as best we could. Finally one of his doctors recommended he go to the Laser Spine Institute in Oklahoma City for a procedure to clip a portion of a bulging disc.
Let me just tell you, I prayed and prayed and asked questions and prayed and prayed. I had no peace about it. He graduated and still I had no peace.
Finally one day I received a call from the physician himself. I took the call while at a local meat market and stepped outside to the parking lot. Locals would know it was in a sketchy strip mall area, but I sat on a rock by the parking area and listened to the doctor and made the call to the Laser Spine Institute to start the process.
John had graduated in May and started a new job. I wanted the surgery to go on our insurance rather than a new employer so we needed to get it scheduled over the summer. The only available date was the day the conference started.
I told Russ I was not going. He told me I was. He told me John had a dad who loved him and could be with him and I was going to the conference. It was the first of many surrender moments.
As the days approached to the time of the surgery, I called the offices of the Laser Spine practice in Oklahoma City and asked for the physician assigned to John to call me. I told them I knew that was probably not how things were done, but would they at least ask him.
He did call. I asked him if he was 100% sure this was the way to go. It was. Then out of somewhere deep in me I asked a question I have never asked any doctor or really any human that I can think of in my memory.
I asked him if he was a Christian. He paused for a length of time and then he said yes. I told him that I was going to ask him, then, to pray for John in advance for this procedure because I was going to be praying for both John and him, every day.
Russ made the arrangements for my flight, and as it was, I was going to be taking a taxi to the airport while John was entering his surgery. We made the trip to Oklahoma City, me packed for that and for the conference, with anxious and hopeful hearts.
The surgery was going to require a large downpayment and out of pocket expense that was hefty, but for your child…worth it. We made the downpayment and they began the preliminary pre-surgery day consultation. Much to my panic, the doctor that began to visit with us explained that the originally scheduled doctor – the one I had talked to, was not there at that time.
We don’t know where he was or why, but this doctor was from Arizona and filling in. As he looked over John’s x-rays, he didn’t like something he saw. In his view there was enough concern about something that had been missed by the other doctor that he ordered a further test for John.
It was a painful and difficult nerve test and I can barely think of it without tears as I know it was traumatic for him. But the test proved this doctor’s doubts that the procedure that had been prescribed would actually benefit John.
The surgery was canceled, our money was refunded, our son was so very sad that the relief he had been promised would now involve the hard work of physical therapy and discipline to overcome (and praise God he has done that and more!)
Russ was the wonderful husband and dad that he always is as he did his best to wrap his arms around our boy and send me on my way.
I boarded my plane feeling like I was abandoning our family and yet trusting in the role of my husband as our children’s father to care for our son. I marveled at the timing of all of it. Of the hours and hours and tears of prayer, the final feeling of peace that came with the decision to schedule the surgery and the replacement of doctors at just that time.
I thought how I had assumed I would be waiting to hear on landing how his surgery had gone and instead as I flew east, my husband was driving our son back to Tulsa to figure it all out.
I still don’t know why any of it had to happen the way it did. None of it resolved in a full blown fairy tale ending. But it certainly had all the markings of how God works in my life.
The Journey is step by step, day by day. There are hard places and places of incredible beauty. Sometimes it’s just raw and sometimes it’s hilarious. Long stretches of every day looking the same scenery are interspersed with surprises and delights that leave me breathless.
And always, it’s the ones walking alongside me in a given season that enrich the moments. It all matters, friends. All of it.
When I see our John standing tall and straight, I know it is because of the work he puts in with stretches and exercise and rest when needed. His patience and endurance have also built and developed his character. And mine.
I have, over the years, had moms express to me that they never could have left their child. That’s okay. I get it. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, but I did it to honor my husband and I did it to give flesh to my belief that our children have a father who loves them as much as their mom does and is able to be there for them in the same ways, and sometimes better ways, than she can be.
Thanks for taking time to read this.
I hope it builds your faith in prayer and when you don’t have peace about something, to keep praying for God’s timing.
I hope it gives you courage if the healing is going to take hard work and discipline instead of a miracle fix.
I hope my words help you look around and realize that you are not the only thing going in the lives of those you love so much. They need a whole lot of other people too and sometimes you have to step back and not be the main one.
Blessings friends.
This one took a lot out of me. Russ and I are taking a little fall break today and tomorrow so I won’t be on here…but I promise to be back Friday. Hope you will meet me here <3