So much in my heart but only one thing matters <3
I am writing to you this morning raw from the start of my day because I pray and ask God what to say, and this morning I am led to just share straight from the reality of what living in 2019 can look like for one like me.
As I was measuring beans into the coffee grinder, Russ and I listened in horror as the news told of the tragic death of a 19 month old, apparently at the hands of his mother. I can’t imagine what desperate state of mind she was in and how little we regard the sanctity of life in increasing measures.
On the counter is a stack of pictures of our little bundle of energy and love and enthusiasm rolled into a three year old who I knew was waking up extra early. Today is his preschool birthday celebration. He will get to bring a special snack and be the line leader and his “Show and Share bag” has been packed since Tuesday. He has carried it with him everywhere and I know the contents represent the love of his Tia and his Uncle John. And even though you are only allowed one item, his mommy has figured out a way to attach the Longhorn hat to the stuffed monster and make it work.
Two ends of the spectrum of emotion filled me as I stood in our kitchen and poured my coffee while Russ did what he has done every work day morning for 38 plus years and the tears came with no hope of holding them back.
My heart is full.
Full of grief for this little life that has ended so abruptly and in such a cruel way.
Full of love for our family.
Full of gratitude to God that He would allow me live the life I live.
Full of sorrow for mothers and fathers and siblings who are without one or more of their precious ones.
Full of joy at the thought of that one-tooth-missing boy who gives hugs away as freely as he takes in and breathes out oxygen.
Full of disbelief that we can see how wrong killing a child is but have no problem killing an embryo.
Full of compassion for children and adults who do not know how much they are valued by God.
Full of wonder at the patience of God with the likes of us all.
I don’t know where you are on the fullness scale.
We can become overwhelmed at times by too much grief, but we can also become overwhelmed by too much happiness. Both extremes can harden us to the full range of what life is like on planet earth for our fellow humans.
Our cups can be so full of the earthly rewards that we forget to empathize with others or so drained that we are unable to lift our heads from the pit…and that is why it is so important to stay in God’s Word.
It is in the Scriptures that we encounter who God is and He is the only one who can help us balance the joys and sorrows of experiences.
I am sharing a passage I found strength in this morning to raise my perspective to His thinking and ways:
Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. We have also obtained access through him by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. And not only that but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope will not disappoint us because God’s LOVE HAS BEEN POURED OUT IN OUR HEARTS through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:1-5 CSB
Whatever state your heart is in today – too empty…too full….too worried…too preoccupied….let His love be poured into your heart. It is the only filling that matters <3